Some marriages today have a lack of depth and understanding, and couples rarely give thought to furthering their marital education. We get our degree, the exchange of "I do's", and relish in the newlywed state of marriage for a few years, sometimes less. Then life happens, children appear, and jobs become daily routines mixed with household chores and driving kids from sports to school.
How is it that we put thousands of dollars into a piece of paper that possibly will gain us a career and most often comes with continued education, but we don’t continue the education of marriage. It happens so slowly that we don't see it coming, but married life becomes similar to “college roommates,” passing in the halls. We loose the reward in our relationship.
Part of our continued marriage education should be installing firewalls into our daily routines, in order to guard against viruses that rewire our thought process, make us stumble, and lose focus on the prize.
In Proverbs 31, we're told as wives of noble character to " bring him good, not harm," and that we are "clothed in strength and dignity." In what ways have you brought good rather than harm?
Is there a lack of “continued education” within your marriage?
Are you intimidated of marriage conferences? Why?
What are some ways that you have grown deeper in your marriage?
What are some other ways we can guard ourselves, educate our marriages, and show others our respect for our spouses when in public?
It is through healthy boundaries and education as a couple, that can defeat the mind.
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edge sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12
Proverbs 1:5, Proverbs 18:15
Being able to have transparent communication in your relationship and finding new ways to express your love towards each other will not only build trust but strengthen your vows. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages, helps us discover what our love languages are and how vital it is to speak each others language in a marriage.
Allow your tone of voice, body language, and ability to speak in love expand your marriage to the next level as you both rediscover a new marriage. Sometimes that means going outside your comfort zone and having to discuss what you’re REALLY thinking, but trust me, the more honest you can be will inspire the other to open up and share their thoughts as well.
Do you sometimes feel like you’re the only one who understands what is coming out of your mouth?
How has your body language changed the tone of conversation with others?
When discussing the raw heart issues in your marriage, do you find yourself speaking in humility and love or anger and bitterness?
Ephesians 4:29, Hebrews 4:12, James 1:19,Psalm 19:14
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 16:24
Do you remember playing the childhood game Telephone? You sit in a circle and start by whisper in one person’s ear a statement and by the time it reaches the other end the statement is twisted, backwards, and no where near the statement first spoken. It can be hilarious to see how fast the story can change and be altered simply because people aren’t listening intently, in a rush or say something backwards. Same goes for when you say something in confidence to a friend or in passing to someone that asks, “How are you doing?” It always amazes me how quickly stories can be changed for the worse if not protected.
I was once told to protect my story as it was mine to share when I felt compelled to share and when I felt safe enough to bring light to my marriage situation. For years after Tim and I went through our dark valley, just our immediate family, pastors, and two close friends knew the struggles we were dealing with. I had a few clients who knew but it was only because of tears or having to reschedule appointments that they found out. We knew that in order to fix us we had to protect our journey by keeping silence so outside opinion and games of “telephone” didn’t play against our progress. We surrounded our little family with those that would uplift us, pray for us and stand behind us in the trenches.
Jesus did the same as He performed miracles when walking on this earth. Jesus had His 12 disciples come alongside Him to pray for Him, support Him, and set the story straight when whispers started to spread.
Are you taking measures to protect YOUR story?
Have you been supportive & respectful of your spouse when sharing your story?
Acts 15:32, Romans 15:7, Hebrews 10:24, Galatians 6:2, Romans 12:11
About the Author
Stephanie is a stay-at-home mommy to four little blessings. Married for 16 years, Tim and Stephanie find new ways to enjoy intimate time together while raising the young family.