“I woke up Saturday with a bitter mouth and angry thoughts. I didn’t shower, didn’t comb my hair or brush my teeth, I was cold to the bone and couldn’t even look at food much less eat anything. Thanks to you I’m down 9 pounds now. Hopefully I’m skinny enough because there’s not much left of me inside or out. I feel like you hurled this burden at me and now you’re free. Great! Thanks! I hate this. hate that you did this, I hate that you cared more about you than your family and wife. The pain goes so deep that my bones hurt. This void in my life will never be filled because the trust in marriage and trust in you is gone completely. I wish it to be the same but it wouldn’t be right. I need to heal before I will ever be able to love again. The thought of you with someone else makes me physically ill. I think of all our times we shared together and want to vomit. The thought of you having sex with another women overseas while I was pregnant with your child shatters my inmost being. All the times that I asked to go to marriage conferences, classes, the books I got for us to share together - you knew what would happen. You make me look and feel like a fool, an idiot, and a piece of trash. I feel nothing inside but the Grace of God keeping me going for our children. Was I not good enough in bed? Did I not experiment enough? Not wear enough pretty things for you? Why have you taken that from me? Why have you made me feel so dirty, violated, and raped of everything that was secure to me? The betrayal runs so deep.”
“We need to forgive others so Satan cannot take advantage of us. We are commanded to get rid of all bitterness in our lives. Forgiving yourself is accepting the truth that God has already forgiven you in Christ. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Once you choose to forgive someone, then Christ can come and begin to heal you of your hurts. But the healing cannot begin until you first forgive. Forgiveness is mainly a matter of obedience to God. God wants you to be free; there is no other way. Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving. You will never get there. Make the hard choice to forgive even if you don’t feel like it. Once you choose to forgive, Satan will have lost his power over you in that area, and God’s healing touch will be free to move.”
Neil T. Anderson
The Bondage Breaker
Good Friday had come and I knew what God was pressing me to do: forgive. The bitterness weighed heavy on my heart and guilt started to consume my thoughts. How could I accept the gift on the cross and not give that to others?
Christ left no room for bitterness when He died on the cross to save us from our sins. Big or small. It’s all the same to God, but as humans we give our sins a scale rating and make the smaller ones seem like a lesser evil compared to the ultimate betrayal of our marriage vows. Bitterness will seep into every area of your life if not forgiven. I have seen divorces of over 30 years still hold grudges against each other due to hearts not allowing others to forgive. Friendships buried because of the bitter roots grown into relationships and marriages on edge of collapse because it’s just too hard to face the pain and trudge through the murky waters of emotions. Sure it’s easy to say it but to walk it is much harder. Bitterness is satan’s deceit that robs us of joy.
So, it was that night that My Love and I sat in our living room floor, sharing with each other the elements of communion, and me speaking those three words: I forgive you. I didn’t feel any different after I spoke them, but knew that I had given God permission to start healing me from the inside out.
What bitterness do you have in your life that needs to be brought to the foot of the cross?
What joy has satan robbed you of?
How has releasing the bitterness to the cross set you free and how did God redeem you through that process of forgiveness?
What does the Bible say?
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23
About the Author
Stephanie is a stay-at-home mommy to four little blessings. Married for 16 years, Tim and Stephanie find new ways to enjoy intimate time together while raising the young family.