“Friday I tried to take a nap in our bed, but the most I could do was crawl in the fetal position on the very edge of the bed. I just can’t do it. The bed and what it represents to me is too much to bear. It smells like you, fits like you, and most of all, I roll over expecting to have the curve of your back to roll into, the strength of your arms around me to put me to sleep, the security of you being there, the feet, the nose noises you make every night and heavy breathing when it gets too hot in bed. The moments we’ve shared so many times together are there when I try to crawl into our bed. The security I’ve known for 7 years is now ripped out from under me and it no longer lives. My marriage as I’ve known it no longer exists. Vanished in minutes by only a few words: regret, despair, sorrow, and relief. No one but me will ever know what became of us when we shared the endless hours together in that bed. The prayers we shared - silent or together - the laughs, the tears, and the closeness it brought us. In time, God’s time, we may share again, but it will no longer be what was because I’m not sure what the “was” was anymore. I question the past 7 years and everything in it.” Stephanie’s Journal
When you are at your weakest point, your only option is to rely on God.
I found myself completely broken; damaged goods, not even capable of taking care of my own children or myself. The betrayal left me questioning everything and everyone so I stood solely on God’s promises knowing that His Word was faultless and pure and would strengthen and feed me. I had no questioning of what the Bible said and believed that I would find healing through the passages I meditated on, but found it challenging to re-learn to trust again.
We live in a fallen world where people are looking out for themselves and in that mind-set people get hurt from the actions or words by others. Betrayal in friendships, marriages, or family relationships; it hurts to your core. In this fallen society, comes repeat pain or triggers that keep causing me to think back to our struggles and begin questioning myself or my husband again. In those moments, I pray that God would speak truth to me and would wipe the lies of the deceiver from my thoughts. But more importantly, I communicate to My Love and we together pray and support one another in those raw moments. Part of healing is being able to see past the betrayal and allow it to bond you closer to your spouse.
Jesus was betrayed. Those closest to Him were the ones that hurt Him the most. Sometimes physical pain is less painful than the words spoken against you. I would imagine that when the crow cried three times over, the betrayal Jesus experienced is much like the pain a wife experiences in the midst of betrayal within her vow. Jesus knows our pains. He became man so He could understand our hurts, our anxieties, and our deepest flesh wounds. There is nothing Jesus doesn’t understand and is waiting to be your Friend in the darkness.
Betrayal is ugly. You cannot ignore it or like a weed it will corrupt your foundation and cause bitterness to tear your life apart. God’s Word is truth and it will fertilize your soul and bring light to the darkness.
When you are faced with a trigger, how do you respond and communicate your worries with your spouse?
Betrayal looks different to everyone. How does it look like to you?
How did God face betrayal and overcome the doubts of believers and followers?
What does the Bible say?
About the Author
Stephanie is a stay-at-home mommy to four little blessings. Married for 16 years, Tim and Stephanie find new ways to enjoy intimate time together while raising the young family.