"This marriage is out of the ICU and in the rehabilitation unit learning how they can better themselves, their marriage and make their family stronger moving forward."
How you get there, what it looks like, where it happens...sweet reconciliation is a step worthy of a celebration.
There was a season where this couple had exhausted every possible option to attempt to make their marriage work. Emotionally charged conversations led to painful scars which now, have begun the process of healing...together. Is it perfect? Not yet.
This marriage is out of the ICU and in the rehabilitation unit learning how they can better themselves, their marriage and make their family stronger moving forward. It was sweet music to my ears to hear of this heart change for my dear friend! Praise God for allowing hearts to reach their very end and redirecting them back to the One who can save!
It's never too late to cling to a thread of hope. You never know the moment it will become the shining star in your journey towards restoration! Join me in praying for the marriages in this beginning state of finding a new love, a new vow. Pray for the marriages where the scars are still tender and hearts unsure if it's really real...the honeymoon stage. Pray with me as God is in the business of keeping marriages as one and for the families who are together in the process. It's a beautiful thing. And it needs to be celebrated; praised.
"As it is with your house, so it is with your soul. You need protective boundaries that you can put up when evil is present and can let down when the danger is over." Boundaries In Marriage, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
I wish I could go back 13 years and provide our newlywed selves with stricter, safer boundaries then what we had; or didn't even know we needed. I should have known the catalogs sent in the mail were a stumbling block along with the free range internet offered online. Would things have been different if I knew there were addictions at play? Should that have made a difference regardless of the addiction? Could I actually of prevented the pornography addiction, affairs and mistrust within our relationship if we placed boundaries within our vow?
I will never know if a taller hedge built around our marriage would have spared us the pain of sin exposed. The root of sin was quite deep causing a tangled web of lies, deceit and betrayal which nearly stole our vow between each other. Of course, now I see that it may have protected us a great deal more back then, but currently gives me all the more motivation to actively protect not just our marriage, but our family and children.
Much like you need boundaries to sustain schedules, routines and your lifestyle, you also need boundaries in your marriage to last a lifetime. Boundaries that can be individualized, but also set together and as a family. Here are a few daily boundaries that Tim and I have requested be met to prevent frustration or tension in later conversations.
And then you get into more protective boundaries such as:
These are just a few to give as an example of the boundaries we exercise in our marriage. With every boundary set, a consequence must be known as well. No, I'm not going to put my husband in time-out for not following through but there are action steps that will need to be followed through if boundaries are not respected. I highly recommend Boundaries In Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. There are so many nuggets of truth packed in this book that will change how you view your responsibility within your marriage. It is absolutely necessary to have these hedges built in your home. Without a hedge of protection over your spouse, your kids, your home and relationship, your house will crumble.
"A boundary that is not communicated is a boundary that is not working."
It is vital to have boundaries in place for your marriage to succeed. Ours look different from others simply because of the valleys we have walked and trudged through. Don't be naive to the devils attempts at distracting yourself or your spouse. Be confident in the barriers you have put in place to protect what is valued most; the vow.
Pray over your marriage ( Psalm 91 ) and hold each other accountable to keeping the boundaries in play.
God is your best defense; make sure He is at the
front line of your marriage.
"Boundaries were not designed to end relationships, but to preserve and deepen them." Boundaries In Marriage, Dr.Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
If only there was such a person who could predict the patterns of marriage like they predict the weather hour by hour...
“Well folks, we have a week of discontent ahead followed by a few days of hot, tempered frustrations.”
Imagine how much more smoothly the conversations would go if we knew ahead of time what was going to be the hot topic of the day, the disappointment of our careers or the lies that potentially will be told? If only...
That would make life WAY too easy for us!!! I believe that it is through those chilly wind storms and severe thunder showers that we gain insight to who we are as a couple, learn from our mistakes and allow the past to make us stronger.
If you have had to weather a few storms in your marriage, stop to first thank God that He brought you through them and secondly, reflect on ways to better prepare for the next.
About the Author
Stephanie is a stay-at-home mommy to four little blessings. Married for 16 years, Tim and Stephanie find new ways to enjoy intimate time together while raising the young family.