"It is compromise on the little issues that leads to greater downfalls. Are we willing to call sin "sin" not because it is big or little, but because God's law forbids it? We cannot categorize sin if we are to live a life of holiness. Will you begin to take personal responsibility for your sin?"
- Jerry Bridges, The Pursuit of Holiness
"Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom."
Song of Songs 2:15
One of the key pieces in moving towards a restored relationship is the transparency in our own hearts and towards each other. With a humbled heart and speaking with grace, approach your spouse with love and forgiveness as you discuss the topic of sin. Don't let the "little foxes" destroy the positive momentum you may be experiencing in your journey towards healing. I'm not suggesting to ignore the little things, but instead, to see your own heart in light of sin taking responsibility for your own actions first.
Glueing the pieces of a shattered marriage is a fragile, gentle and exhausting process. It is only with God's grace that we can begin to approach the task of putting ourselves back together.
"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."
A marriage surviving by threads can easily be terrified by the thought of bringing more attention to a rosy relationship where chocolates, flowers and kisses-that-lead-somewhere may not be welcomed.
Months may have slipped by since that last "I love you" was spoken and possibly years since the last time it was spoken with meaning. Gone are the days of sweet treats and special gifts. Instead those are replaced with arguments, broken hearts and shattered remnants of what's left of the displaced marriage. Valentine's Day becomes an extremely painful reminder of what was and what's not; an unwanted day where little involvement is desired.
God did not intended for marriage to turn sour and stagnant. God's heart breaks when He sees tensions rise and Biblical purpose for marriage to be forgotten.
Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the over-indulgent, chocolate infused, expensive card giving holiday that only gives more awareness to those that are single. (Don't get me wrong, I won't turn down a chocolate covered strawberry if it presented itself to me.) If it takes a once a year Hallmark Special to get you to express your love for your spouse, then you've missed the mark.
But, for those who are weary and find themselves in a marriage battle I say this to you:
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)
NO GREATER LOVE IS LIKE THIS (John 15:13)
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
My prayer is that no matter where your heart is as a couple, that it not distract you from the intention of God's love for you as an individual. His love is readily available for you to receive and God is waiting to give you the desires of your heart. The condition of your marriage relationship will not dictate the amount of happiness you deserve from our Heavenly Father.
Simply open the Bible and read God's love letter to His child...
Happy Valentine's Day.
"You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry."
Join me tonight as we start a 6 week study on how to navigate the pain of betrayal and see God in our struggles. Contact me by filling out the contact form, email or by phone for more information.
About the Author
Stephanie is a stay-at-home mommy to four little blessings. Married for 16 years, Tim and Stephanie find new ways to enjoy intimate time together while raising the young family.