"As it is with your house, so it is with your soul. You need protective boundaries that you can put up when evil is present and can let down when the danger is over." Boundaries In Marriage, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
I wish I could go back 13 years and provide our newlywed selves with stricter, safer boundaries then what we had; or didn't even know we needed. I should have known the catalogs sent in the mail were a stumbling block along with the free range internet offered online. Would things have been different if I knew there were addictions at play? Should that have made a difference regardless of the addiction? Could I actually of prevented the pornography addiction, affairs and mistrust within our relationship if we placed boundaries within our vow?
I will never know if a taller hedge built around our marriage would have spared us the pain of sin exposed. The root of sin was quite deep causing a tangled web of lies, deceit and betrayal which nearly stole our vow between each other. Of course, now I see that it may have protected us a great deal more back then, but currently gives me all the more motivation to actively protect not just our marriage, but our family and children.
Much like you need boundaries to sustain schedules, routines and your lifestyle, you also need boundaries in your marriage to last a lifetime. Boundaries that can be individualized, but also set together and as a family. Here are a few daily boundaries that Tim and I have requested be met to prevent frustration or tension in later conversations.
And then you get into more protective boundaries such as:
These are just a few to give as an example of the boundaries we exercise in our marriage. With every boundary set, a consequence must be known as well. No, I'm not going to put my husband in time-out for not following through but there are action steps that will need to be followed through if boundaries are not respected. I highly recommend Boundaries In Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. There are so many nuggets of truth packed in this book that will change how you view your responsibility within your marriage. It is absolutely necessary to have these hedges built in your home. Without a hedge of protection over your spouse, your kids, your home and relationship, your house will crumble.
"A boundary that is not communicated is a boundary that is not working."
It is vital to have boundaries in place for your marriage to succeed. Ours look different from others simply because of the valleys we have walked and trudged through. Don't be naive to the devils attempts at distracting yourself or your spouse. Be confident in the barriers you have put in place to protect what is valued most; the vow.
Pray over your marriage ( Psalm 91 ) and hold each other accountable to keeping the boundaries in play.
God is your best defense; make sure He is at the
front line of your marriage.
"Boundaries were not designed to end relationships, but to preserve and deepen them." Boundaries In Marriage, Dr.Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
About the Author
Stephanie is a stay-at-home mommy to four little blessings. Married for 16 years, Tim and Stephanie find new ways to enjoy intimate time together while raising the young family.